I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
