Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
