I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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