i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
