I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
