Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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