If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
