it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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