Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
