ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
