omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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