No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize