Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
