I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
organizing the empties. That sober.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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