Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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