Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
