As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
