When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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