hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
