I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize