Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
