This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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