what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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