then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont even know how to be here
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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