So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
