Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
