if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
