you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
