it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
