a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
