when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
