she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
