Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What drink are we having for lunch?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
