this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
