Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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