Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
