I wanna bring you to show and tell
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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