I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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