The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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