Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
