i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
