dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dick very happy bro
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
