See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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