I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
