Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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