His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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