Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
