My liver just broke up with me...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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