There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
