You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize