I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
