We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
