Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize