this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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