Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
