What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
