After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
