Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
