I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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