Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
