just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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