I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
