Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
