Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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