all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
