Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Help. Why am I so naked?
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