I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
