Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
