Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize